Having no radio in my car (not really my car, but the car I'm using right now) is starting to drive me crazy. Usually, I am able to think about things, and be contemplative. But last night? After being stuck in traffic for an hour (to go 10 miles) and playing a video game on my cell phone while waiting to merge onto the freeway... I kind of lost it. I started singing to myself. Now normally, this would not be a big deal; I sing in the car all the time. But yesterday? Almost an entire collection of Sweetwater. Every Sweetwater song I could remember. And before that? The Violent Femmes. It's like re-living 1994 all of the sudden.
I feel like the things in my life should be pointing me in some direction by now. Like, the librarian thing is over, and I know that I'd really like to be able to have a farm-- but I don't think I'm truly ready for that yet... so what's the in-between? Should I go back to making only tiny amounts of money, so I can learn how to be an organic farmer? Should I find some corporate job, so I can actually afford to do it? Should I try to deal with my issues regarding living with other people and start an artist commune? These are the crazy options I feel like I have right now. Everything I keep reading tells me to have faith in myself and dream the impossible and don't listen to any voices that say you can't do it... but I have so many things I'd like to do, how can I choose right now?
All I do know for sure is I'm tired of working in a school. The vacation time is nice, but really, it just reminds me how much I don't like getting up at 5:30 in the morning, and how nice it is to spend the day doing things that you actually want to do; not that I can pay my mortgage with that. Good thing I still have some time to figure it out.
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